This time it would be different. She would not let anyone close enough to expose her. It was up to Violet to do everything in her power to live a normal life. It could be done; she had convinced herself of this fact. She was older and understood human nature, plus she always had her circle of trust to depend on and help her through the intense moments.
Despite Violet’s circle of trust and growing ability to control the sensations, it still did not take away from the loneliness she felt most of the time. Yes Nahmie understood; yes Toby understood; but that did not make the every day facade any easier. Violet was the one who had to suppress what was most natural to her very being… every day, every hour and almost every minute.
People take normalcy for granted. They take routine for granted. Always grabbing for the next step, the next plateau and wanting to outgrow their current space---not realizing that each minute builds upon the next. Imagine if every thought whether intentional or not could materialize. How long would it take before you recognized this was happening? How often do we have random responses to different stimuli throughout our daily journey? If you needed to, if you absolutely had to, could you control your every thought?
Violet was still trying to figure out if the condition was progressing. It seemed that even in her sleep she was becoming a prisoner to her mind. For the last few months she was very careful about the things she watched on television or listened to before going to bed. Her mind was impressionable and she could not put anything into it that she did not want to dream about, possibly live out later. There were signs left behind in her bed and on her clothes that she could not explain. Weird scents that were unfamiliar and foreign, sometimes the smells didn’t even seem human. Then the way her body physically felt, it was as though she was very active in even her sleep now. What all this evidence pointed to was not clearly revealed to her just yet, but something was changing.
The focus now was on Violet’s soon-to-be new environment. Nahmie had spent several summers in Oxford and had nothing but good things to report. It was a well-respected academic town, with lots of old money. It was listed as one of the top cities to retire, hardly what Violet was after in this stage of her life. At this point though she had to focus on the positives, at least this place was known for something. She was going to start her new position as an adjunct professor at Ole’ Miss.
Most exciting was the living space she was leasing for the school year. It looked absolutely enchanting online and the realtor had nothing but good things to say about the property. Too bad time did not permit her to visit ahead of the school year to check out the space in-person. With virtual tours, faxes and phones, it really was not necessary to spend the extra money on the trip. Violet had convinced herself that it would be fine; however she was big on the energy of her living space, especially because she was destined to spend a large chunk of her time there.
There was still much to do to start this new chapter of her life. Different from all the other times, Violet had a distinct nervousness in her spirit that she just could not shake. All along she wondered would she be settled for a while. She found herself getting lost in her thoughts and she quickly had to rein her mind in. That was close, she had to get better at not loosing control of her thoughts; she reminded herself that the consequences of not doing so were negligent at best.
